That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
