At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
and you fell through a lawn chair
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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