You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
