If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
