I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
