it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
