We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just invented taco cereal.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
