Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
