You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
