Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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