just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
