Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
