Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We are two peas in an std pod
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
