So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
