She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
