Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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