brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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