i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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