Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
