He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
