Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize