I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
