After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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