I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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