I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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