PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
