He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
