I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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