My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
