ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
