finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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