what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
