Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
