Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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