there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
