the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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