i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You work out of a Hotel?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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