Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
