Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
