Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
