how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
