Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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