I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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