the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
