i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
