it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
