i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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