dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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