i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
