I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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