Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
