I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
