Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
