he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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